Author: Him

I haven’t written in a while, but I still think of you often. It seems like forever since you visited.

This has been a hard week. I have some storm damage to my home – trying to get it repaired and cleaned up – and have been making errors at work because I’ve been trying to deal with too much. The adulting stuff sucks.

The good news is that insurance will cover most of the damage (less 20% depreciation of the roof).

I keep wondering how you are doing and what path you’re choosing. Stay? Go? I know it is a hard time for you, but I wish you happiness (and eventually a love that works for you).

Be well, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sometimes I just want you….

Sometimes only you.

Sometimes I want you to be here.

Sometimes I want to know you miss me. And how?

Sometimes, there just aren’t words to express feelings.

But always, I want you to be happy.

Has it really been 8 years since I was first kissed by an angel? Lots of memories fade, but the memory of your kiss, standing next to your car, remains with me.

It was a rocky road from there. But, I never gave up and was always fighting to have you in my life until you left. And even then, my heart could not let you go. Maybe I’m the fool? Or maybe, I just know love is worth fighting for and worth sacrifice.

I’ve heard people say they don’t want to date because the person will just leave eventually and they don’t want to be heartbroken. I think they have it all wrong. I’m thankful for the time spent with you. Yes, your leaving broke my heart….. but the joy you gave me while you were here was far greater.

I’m thankful for the people in my life while they are here. Yes, I miss them when they are gone, but I would be so much lonelier if I never let you in my life.

I hope your memories are pleasant. Love always.

I fall in love all over again.

It was great to see you for lunch. It was even better to see you naked, glistening in ecstasy as we made love. (Ok, maybe that part was only in my fantasy.)

The song above has been rattling around in my head since we met.  With so much up in the air for you, I just want you to know there is always love around you. I care about you, and always will.

I finally got a break today (work has been 12+ hours a day trying to make deadlines). A good snow day to sit at home, catch up on messages, and dream about what could have been.

Thank you for making time to see me on your short trip. It means a lot to me. I know there are always demands for your time and attention.

Wishing you peace and happiness – and LOVE.

And, another six weeks of missing you!

I hope you are doing well. I check your blog every once in a while. Sometimes. I think about causing a little mischief. Like maybe sending some flowers just to stir the pot. But, I know as much as you may like them, that you also don’t need the trouble it could cause.

But, it does make me smile to think about sending you flowers.

Lately, I’ve been just having random memories of how we used to be. Happy going out. Just doing mundane tasks like having coffee at the laundromat. Or just taking a ride. I could use a little summer.

Love always. Be well. Smile if you can.

I try to remember the nights I held you. I try to remember the feeling of you in my arms. Sometimes these memories are fading… sometimes they are all that occupy my mind.

I miss you.

On good nights I remember how it feels to hold you. How it was when we talked about our dreams or life. How truly intimate we were. Not sex, but just laying ourselves out to each other emotionally raw. I wanted to fulfill your every desire. Not just sexual desires, but every desire to live life to its fullest.

Then I remember how it was when you would come home with me. I wanted this to be your home too. Our home.

I could never hold you without wanting you. Every time I see you, I just want you again… fall in love with you again. I feel like I become myself when you are near. Without you, I’m just going through the motions trying to not notice the void in life without you.

I hope you find the love you need, the peace you seek, and a love greater than I have for you.

I know this time of year can be full of disappointments. It is sometimes depressing. My memories are full of joy and sorrow. After all, we have a history of being unhappy at Christmas.

I hope you don’t mind me sending flowers. You said you were dieting, so the normal box of calorie-rich goodies from your home state didn’t seem appropriate.

I want you to know I care about you. And, although you and I are opposite on many views, I’d like to express this one thought. I want you to do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe and healthy. I want you to stay well. I would never want you to suffer needlessly.

I hope you have a happy holiday and find little moments of joy – random smiles, dog hugs, and even a good cry.

Love always.

Took the dog outside for a walk today and thought of you.

I loved you once so much that it made me want to be a better person. I worked hard to improve myself, my home (in hopes it would become your home too). Now, that is not to say I did it all for just you. It was more that you inspired me. You gave me hope. And hope made me want more. I almost lost hope when you left…. But you showed me love was possible again. And that is the most valued gift you ever gave me. But, I still long for your love again.