“we’re not there yet”
That was your reply at lunch when we discussed what your options are if you miss the bus and get stuck in town. My first thought was how could we not be in a place where I am your back up, your ride home if you need it. And, my second thought was “where do we need to be” for you? I realize you were thinking I was saying the back up plan was you could stay with me.
But, where do you think we need to be? Was that statement a reference to we are not in a place where you would be comfortable spending the night with me (in my bed)? Or, that we need to go the other direction until I no longer want you in my bed? Such few words bring so many swirling thoughts.
On the latter, I wish we could have had the casual relationship you wanted. The one where you are at ease, and can come and go without feeling pressure or intensity. You asked a loaded question this morning, “How did YOU do that?” My answer was just as loaded – by not being able to create an atmosphere that made you comfortable. I know, I am not responsible for you sleeping on the couch, but yes, I wish the situation was better.
I look forward to our talk on Sunday. Not because it will be easy, but because it will give me direction. All my love to you.
