You asked if you could share this. Yes, it is open and public. I have put my diary of feelings here for you – initially so you could see that I did have doubts and concerns that I didn’t show you. And lately I’ve written knowing you would read these posts which are my fears and feelings of a moment in time.
What is missing?
What is not here on this blog are all the joys and good feelings we shared. I only seem to write when I am upset or afraid of losing you. Anyone reading this would think there was only pain in our lives and no joy. But joy and happiness triumphed during most of our relationship – and non-relationship days. There are 70 or so posts on this blog. Its been 275 days (give or take a day) since our first date. That means there were more than 200 days without pain and fear that had to be released. There were so many days of joy, happiness, and us being together in the past year. Once you decided to try and be in a relationship we were practically inseparable for the first thirty days – sleeping together nearly every night. We grew comfortable with each other – for a while.
So, don’t read this blog as the summary of our relationship. It is only the summary of my fears and pain without the balance of the good that existed. If I could somehow explain the joy when you kiss me. How I forget everything when you let me hold you – that moment makes everything else fade away. The way you fit my arms and almost ask me to pull you closer is bliss.
So if you share this blog, please do so with the caveat that it is me writing my fears and pain so I don’t have to keep them bottled inside me.
