Trial of Love

thinking about you not thinking about me.

I dream of you. This morning I was dreaming (or maybe remembering) the night you left me. I was devastated. I woke up feeling this way.

Although we’ve never been together on Valentines Day, I have tried to make your days better. But this year, it is different. There is someone else in your life that loves you.

I am sad, and I just don’t know how to get past it.

I only ever made you sad.

missing you.

So, you are married. I really do wish you happiness and well being. It is what I always wanted most for you. Of course, I was hoping you would be happy with me…. but that ship sailed a long time ago.

Your marriage (to someone else) marks the end of this adventure. I can now let go of silly hope and foolish wonder. I can let it all be in the past and know it will finally stay there and has no hope of coming ’round again.

I truly hope you are happy and loved. (I mean it, I really do.) Your happiness will outweigh the sorrow and sadness I feel and have felt these last four and a half years.  Because, then my sorrow would have been for good cause. My efforts – to help you when I could, to pack you up and move you away from me, to encourage and support you, to cry with you – would all be worth while to bring you happiness.

You were my true love. I shall never forget your kindness and tenderness. I will always remember how you bared yourself emotionally to me. I will cherish the joys you have given me until I die. I know you don’t believe I loved you or you don’t understand why. But, I remind you with this post, Why I Love You.

Well, that was news. I should not be surprised. I was working on a (graphic) post of how much I miss you and your body. I’m glad now that I hadn’t posted it.

I tossed and turned a lot last night. Much on my mind, but I’m not sure why. Really, nothing has changed.

I hope you have a wonderful vacation. I’ll post something for your return.

Be well.

P.S. You suck. (lol)

Happy New Year! I hope this is your year of joy, love, and health.

I’ve been thinking about you, and missing how we could always find fun and conversation together. I hope you had a good end to 2018 and are embracing the possibilities of 2019. I wish you joy this year – and you’ve got a good start with vacation this month. I hope it is both a blast and restful/relaxing.

Love always.

Hi,

I thought I was going to be alone on Christmas day, but ended up busy all day with family. The youngest stopped by to make breakfast, then I had to help my dad get out of his place to go to dinner. Mid-afternoon my niece called because she had broken her phone and couldn’t access any of her email (lost passwords in the phone) and the resets kept sending text verifications to her phone.

It ended up a busy day. I hope you are well and had some enjoyment. Bless you for working. I’m sure other folks enjoyed their day off because of you.

Love and best wishes always….

P.S. You haven’t posted in a while.

Happy Holidays!

I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently, and I hope you are well. I always wanted you to be happy, to follow your dream. I hope you have a good holiday and if you don’t get to see your family I hope you atleast get to spend some phone time with them.

I’m sure you’ll have fun on vacation next month. It is a great way to spend a few days totally unplugged from the real world. My suggestion is get $50 in one dollar bills and tip $1 each drink. You’ll have the best service.

You’re in my thoughts and prayers. Love always.

P.S. I did not send you a package this year, as it seems it would be inappropriate.

So, new wheels? Email me a photo sometime.

Thanksgiving was fairly typical. Dinner at family, JS working. Just like you – she avoids any family stuff. Youngest didn’t show, he went to his mother’s but now has food poisoning. Oldest doesn’t change. He is hunting this week.

It has been very cold here (and my excuse to not decorate for Christmas). Maybe in a week or two. I keep wondering how you are feeling. Are you ok with where you are at? Still looking to change things?

I wish you peace and that you find joy and happiness. Love always.

I’ve been hesitant to write because everything I think of just sounds sad. This is a bit of a down time of year for me. The loss of daylight and colder temps don’t help much either.

I’m sorry to hear you are suffering Raynaud’s Syndrome. I don’t really know anything about it. I can only pray you are well and stay warm.

I won’t be doing much for Thanksgiving. Deb invited me to dinner. The boys are going to NEK to spend the weekend with their mother and older will hunt.

May you have a drama-free, restful Thanksgiving.

Love always……