Wish you would call

Wednesday, 10:00 pm.

It’s been a hard day – missing you and our chats. I feel so horrible. I was hoping against the odds that you would message me after your counseling session or after work. Do you hate me? Am I so horrible? I really don’t know why this couldn’t work out. I love you, and you seem to want to be with me – sometimes. But I guess I have ruined it. I am lonely and so sad. I don’t want to live without you in my life. You became my friend and lover, but I guess I could not be who you need. I just wish you would call…..

Still reeling

6/25, 9:30a – I just can’t focus. I want to scream in pain. I want so badly to call you or message you and say how sorry I am and plead for you to stay in my life. I keep trying to convince myself that you will come back to me someday – but I fear you never will. You don’t need me. I try to hope you will call me after your counseling session.

2:30p – I’m struggling to think about anything other than you. I am missing our chats and I keep wanting to re-friend you on Facebook. I am feeling so lonely.

June 25th, 2014

Wednesday, June 25, 1:30 am.

I am starting this writing to ease my mind. It has worked for me in the past to journal my feelings – those that I can’t share with the woman I care about and have begun to fall in love with.

The situation is complex, and I fell in love quickly, while she was not seeking a relationship. If there is any blame, it is mine, for making something fun and wonderful into something complex and difficult.

My heart aches. My eyes water. I miss you and I so badly wanted love. I can’t sleep in my bed where we made love, had sex. (I know you never use the term “made love”). I just keep thinking about your kiss, about holding you. I am devastated! I want to send you a message but I can’t because we’re over.