As I lay in bed

I try to remember the nights I held you. I try to remember the feeling of you in my arms. Sometimes these memories are fading… sometimes they are all that occupy my mind.

I miss you.

On good nights I remember how it feels to hold you. How it was when we talked about our dreams or life. How truly intimate we were. Not sex, but just laying ourselves out to each other emotionally raw. I wanted to fulfill your every desire. Not just sexual desires, but every desire to live life to its fullest.

Then I remember how it was when you would come home with me. I wanted this to be your home too. Our home.

I could never hold you without wanting you. Every time I see you, I just want you again… fall in love with you again. I feel like I become myself when you are near. Without you, I’m just going through the motions trying to not notice the void in life without you.

I hope you find the love you need, the peace you seek, and a love greater than I have for you.

You still have someone that cares about you

I know this time of year can be full of disappointments. It is sometimes depressing. My memories are full of joy and sorrow. After all, we have a history of being unhappy at Christmas.

I hope you don’t mind me sending flowers. You said you were dieting, so the normal box of calorie-rich goodies from your home state didn’t seem appropriate.

I want you to know I care about you. And, although you and I are opposite on many views, I’d like to express this one thought. I want you to do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe and healthy. I want you to stay well. I would never want you to suffer needlessly.

I hope you have a happy holiday and find little moments of joy – random smiles, dog hugs, and even a good cry.

Love always.

You inspired me to do better.

 

I loved you once so much that it made me want to be a better person. I worked hard to improve myself, my home (in hopes it would become your home too). Now, that is not to say I did it all for just you. It was more that you inspired me. You gave me hope. And hope made me want more. I almost lost hope when you left…. But you showed me love was possible again. And that is the most valued gift you ever gave me. But, I still long for your love again.

That time of year again

It’s that time of year again.  Turkey, snow on the ground, cleaning the garage and loading wood. The lack of daylight doesn’t help my mood either.

It is hard not to think of you. I miss you more at this time of year. I was the happiest I ever was just before Thanksgiving 2013, and then the saddest I ever was just a few days later.

I look at family gatherings, people getting along with their lives, and wonder what might have been. I wonder how you are doing. Did you get any joy on Thanksgiving? Did you have any fun family time?

I don’t feel like it is Christmas time yet. Maybe next weekend I’ll get a tree up or do some shopping. But, really, who needs more stuff? (OK, one kid needs new luggage for a vacation – the first real one in years.)

I hope you’re not missing the snow.

Love and best wishes always.

P.S. Vacation was not so great…. to much family drama with the sisters.

 

All moved

Hi,

After 19 days straight of working on it, it is all finally moved to storage or discarded. Now I’m struggling to settle into a new routine. I know this is not really new, but not having an office is different.

You would think all that work (and 20,000+ steps a day) would have lost some weight….. but no.

Now I have to focus on working on the house. My summer list has lots left on it but summer doesn’t seem to be lasting very long. By the time I get out of work and get some diner, the daylight is gone.

I hope you are doing well. I think about you often and how lucky I was to see you. I still wake up sometimes wishing you were here.

Love always, and miss you.

I used to avoid the places that reminded me of you

I used to avoid going places, even just going by places, that reminded me of you and of when we were together. It would make me remember how much I miss you.

These places still make me miss you, and remind me of how much I loved and still love you. But they now also make me happy to remember what it was like to have you here. How happy I was loving you.

I will always love you, and probably always miss you. But I wouldn’t give up having met you and sharing the very short time we had together.

I hope all your wishes come true.