And now I guess you have declared you don’t want to hear from me again.

There is one thing that has not changed – my feelings for you. I love you, and in some ways I always will. I don’t know what prompted you to send that text message. I replied to your earlier message and wished you well.

Be safe and be well. May you find all that you are looking for.

Or, more that you would want to be stuck with me.

I was trying to look past you, focus on the wall, so I wouldn’t have to look into your eyes. I didn’t want you to see my sadness.

I’m glad you passed your certification exams. I wish you the best.

All I have heard from you in the past three weeks is how much you don’t want to be with me and that you give up. Why should I keep trying? You said I don’t have the balls to say its not working – you already said it. ITS NOT WORKING!

So, I don’t know what to do but just let you disappear from my life, try to move on and keep myself busy to try and not think about how much I love you and miss you.

Make no mistake. This is not about easy. It is not easy to see you go – either because you are moving or because you just don’t want me. What ever we were, the only thing for sure now is we were… past tense… no longer.

I loved you will all I had, but I have come to see in the past weeks that I have only been a distraction, a convenience, to you. I know you were never able to truly love me. I know you tried for a while, but it just wasn’t there – and still isn’t.

But is this really about making it easier? Maybe its about making it easier for you.

1 Comment:

her 6/2/2015 12:07:29 pm
I have always said it will be easier if you let me go. I also said I don’t want a relationship. Has it been easy for me walking away? No. Luckily I have been so busy with work that I go home exhausted. So exhausted that I am physically I’ll. I am eating Rolaids by the handful and migraine medicine daily. You do not know how I feel or think, so you have no right to judge me, just as I cannot judge you. Are you wrong because you want something different than I do? No, its just that, different. So easier, it is not! Do I feel you were pouty and childish….yes. But again, it is my perception.

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I’m lost again. I don’t where, if anywhere, I stand with you. You made it clear you wanted to be away from me, that you needed space. So I give you space and don’t bother you. When you contact me I respond because I want you in my life. But, the first response back is a slap in the face; “it was no beach”. I am sorry I ruined you beach plans. I tried to make it up to you.

As much as I will hate to see you leave (and possibly never see you again), I understand and support your reasons for leaving. I don’t want to be an obstacle to your success.

I promise I will try to be supportive and encouraging. And I will try to be thankful for the time we had and have together. But yes, it makes my heart heavy and eyes sad to think about you leaving. – Maybe I’ll leave too.

It goes without saying – as friends.

I know you tired hard to do it my way for months, and that didn’t work for you. So, i am willing to try and do it your way.

I care about you and want to keep you as part of my life. I know there are limits and boundaries. My only regret would be not spending time with you when I could have.

I still have feelings for you, and I probably always will. But I know my way – a relationship – didn’t work for you. I hope this way will work out for both of us. I am willing to try.

You looked like I was the last person you wanted to see today. Did I do something wrong?

I wasn’t trying to bother you. I did want to say hi and ask how YOU are doing. I know you’ve had a lot going on with family.

I wish you well.

1 Comment:

her 3/23/2015 02:48:38 am
No, you did nothing wrong. I have had the shittiest week (including today). I was afraid if I talked to you I would start crying. I have too much happening, not sleeping and now I am sick. I am done…..overdone! I know, this is my normal state, but I am really sick of it! Sorry I just saw this!