Trial of Love

HI,

I had to close comments after 7 days to avoid the russian porn and viagra spam. However, if I don’t post every 7 days, there is no way to comment.

So, you can comment on this post until August 2.

Life goes on. Hot water tank split last week ($1500). Taking tree down in front yard that died, but it turns out to be too tall to drop, need to rent a lift. Just a lot of work (both home and employment), and feeling like there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done.

I wonder about you often, hoping you are doing well. Wondering what you are feeling. I am sorry about our last conversation – that I didn’t listen well. I know you were opening up.

How is the job? Get your schedule settled down or still working like crazy?

Lastly, I am concerned about your health, and pray often that you are well. I wish I were able to be there for you.

I have been pondering if I waited too long for you to want me, or if I didn’t wait long enough. I am confused and uncertain. Yes, I want to be with you. But, is it worth the risk? Do I risk everything emotionally (again) to try?

I want you to know, I am thinking and wondering. I care about you deeply – I don’t know what to say, but I do not dismiss the idea of living the rest of our lives together. Is that just fantasy?

You and I seem to never be quite in sync with each other. And that makes me sad.

Thanks for talking today. I hope I didn’t make you sad.

I’m glad you have landed a good job and have a plan. And, glad that plan includes a vacation in November. Try not to be too hard on yourself – yes, you have to follow your plan, but you know you’ll reap the rewards eventually.

I’ll write later, but I wanted you to find that I am happy we talked, and I wish you all the best.

P.S. I did think about finding out what cruise you booked and booking myself – but I was sure I wouldn’t want to find out if you were with someone.

I still check your blog, but never see any updates. I see this blog gets no visitors – so writing this must be foolish because you won’t read it.

Best of luck, and love always.

You may be sure none of it makes sense… but it all makes sense to me. I will always love you.

I’m just wondering how you are doing, what is going on with your job. I wish you well.

Sometimes it makes me sad. But mostly it makes me remember how much I loved you and how glad I am that you were part of my life. It always makes me miss you.

I hope you are doing well and finding your way to happiness.

5/7/17
You write on your own blog that I don’t care about you and must be angry – but that is so far from true. The truth is you told me your life is easier without me in it. You stopped being a friend because it is easier for you to “live your life without worrying” about me. You didn’t ask me if I care, you just cut me from your life.
Yesterday was my mother’s birthday and I visited her grave today. It was her death that led me to asking you out. I decided it was time to take a chance and see what happens.
If you want to know how I feel, you’ll have to put yourself out there a little and ask.