Trial of Love

I’m sorry for any hurt or drama I may have caused in you life. I can only hope that I have somehow alleviated any unpleasantness by trying my best to help when I can. Life is never simple, uncomplicated, or down right easy.

Again, I hope you are well and happy.

Love always.

The gray days, loss of daylight, and the cold wind that chills to the bone. It all reminds me of the cold chill to my bones of losing you. Where did happiness go. Why did love leave? Or was it never here, only an illusion.

After years, I still feel the pain, the loss, and the sorrow. I miss you – but I still don’t know how to get back to when we seemed happy. I hope you are on the road to happiness, the path you wanted. I pray that you are able to be well, happy, and find what you seek – even if it is without me.

I support you in your decision to chase your dreams and live the life you need. If you didn’t love me, there was no reason to try and hang on.

Be well.

I fall back in love with you every time I see you. It’s like we pick up right where we were. Somehow all time stops and we just start up right where we were.

My heart breaks every time you leave. Not as much as before, but the pieces shatter a little more, the parts get harder to bring back together. Somehow, I still have strong feelings of love for you. I don’t think those will ever go away. I just try to let them rest in the back and not charge to the front of my existence.

It was good to see you, but not to see you unhappy. I wish I was the one that could bring you happiness. I tried (and tried). Somewhere, there is the happiness you desire and deserve.

I’ll be here, when you need an ear to rant to, or just want to know that yes, someone cares. I’ll pop up unexpectedly to brighten your day. But, I’ll try to not be a nuisance.

You have my love always. Smile. And charge on.

P.S. You still need to update your LinkedIn profile

I’m just wondering if, or how, we could have been different.

I just wanted to say hi and let you know I still think about you every day. I’m glad we exchange messages every so often. I am looking forward to seeing you when you come to town.

My feelings have not changed for you. I still wish we could have been together – I believed it would have been great. And, sometimes I still want that.

However, it didn’t happen and it is not likely to happen. My logical brain knows that you are you, where you are. And I am me stuck here. We could never quite get it together to meet in the middle. Emotional me still wants and desires you – and more so the more we talk.

So, my feelings haven’t changed, and likely won’t – although time will soften them and I hope I can be a friend to you.

You never really shared your feelings (how you feel now) or desires. I know there has been some hurt (from me), and that you have moments of nostalgia and loneliness. Also, a workplace that isn’t enjoyable and supportive certainly adds stress.

I hope you are enjoying a day off, and have time to just enjoy a small pleasure – what ever that may be.

Yes, love always – and care, concern, and best wishes.

I am just trying to figure out how to keep you in my life. I was never over you, over your moving away.

Time passes but me feelings don’t seem to fade or change. I still get elated when I hear from you. Just missing what I thought was the best I ever had.

Be well, and I hope you are having fun.

I haven’t been looking forward much. I’ve been mostly stuck in my here-and-now. Not making plans, not thinking of future. I have several things booked on my calendar, but all things someone else put there. Like dog/house sitting.

I will be sure to have some time to spend with you when you come up. I know you hate planning, but maybe we can figure out a time that works for the both of us to have lunch and hang out a bit.

I’m always thinking of you. Be well.

Good morning.

The dog has me up early for a walk. The forecast is rain all day, but I’ve got a rental lift today and I have to remove the dead maple tree from the front lawn.

Although it is just a process of living, cutting down a tree I planted when I was 5 years old has some sense of finality – or morbidity- to it. It gives me a feeling of loss, and that feeling reminds me of you.

I check your blog often. I hope the less you post the happier you are. As for me, I’ve just seem to run out of ways to say I miss you. I still feel you were the greatest love of my life.

Be well, have fun, and take care of yourself. This earth is a better place with you here.

The anniversary of your moving away has passed again. I still relive the sorrow of seeing you move away. I’m glad I took those few days to help you though, because it let me express my love for you.

This week has been a bit off. Work,home – just trying to keep up with what needs to be done.

It has been three weeks since the dog was here. I picked him up last night and even with rain, getting him out for walks seems to help improve my mood. It certainly makes the mosquitos happy.

I hope you are well when you read this. Have some fun. Smile. You are loved.