Trial of Love

Did you ever notice the stamps on the cards I send you? I always try to get the ones that have special meaning to us.

Sometimes, it was just the regular stamp at the office. Sometimes, the post office would have the ones I wanted.

Just part of how much I care about you. I do want you to be happy. I am happy for you that you are finding your dream.

Part of the reason I didn’t want to get together earlier this month is that I didn’t want you to see me the way I am now. I gained weight. I look sad all the time. And I don’t hide my emotions very well.

I don’t want to be a bad memory. I want you to remember me as on the day you moved away.

But, still I post. I still miss you but I don’t know how to reconcile our two separate lives. I pray you are happy and well. I haven’t seen any news about where you live – so I hope things are good.

Be well.

I hope you had safe travels home and found it unscathed by the recent weather. I hope your visit was good catching up with friends and relatives. I’m sure coming ‘home’ has its ups and downs.

I think about you often, and always wish you the best in life.  Be well. I miss you.

A daydream, for hours it seems, I keep thinking of you, yeah thinking of you
These daydreams, what do they mean
They keep haunting me, are they warning me
Daylight turns into night
I try and find the answer, but it’s nowhere in sight
It’s always the same….

I am happy for you. You have found that thing your are looking for…on your terms. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own feelings, that I forget about the feelings of the people I care about.

It is difficult for me to chat with you as I still have strong and mixed feelings. You told me before that your partner does not want me to contact you. And I don’t want to be that ‘sad sack’ that just pulls you down or makes you sad. I truly want you to be happy and healthy. I always wanted that. (Even was is was not with me.)

I’m not trying to ignore your or blow you off…. I just haven’t thought of a way to be supportive and caring without sounding sad or lost.

I will always love you and am here for you if you ever need me.

I hope you have finished your move and are settling in. Perhaps this is the peace and happiness you’ve been searching for the last six years or so.

I always wanted you to be happy.

I’m just waiting for the sadness to go away.

Well, that was a bomb-shell. As much as I am surprised, I know I shouldn’t be. Yes, you said you were going to start dating. And, I know how easy it is to fall in love with you.

And, yes, it seems we could never come together with you rooted there and me rooted here.

I am glad you’re happy. I’m not sure I fit in your life anymore.