10:40a
My dearest, is helping you so wrong? Yes, I am a planner and you see that as a “fixer”. I know you don’t easily accept help. I care about you, and I want to help. It is not that I am trying to solve your problems or take away anything from you, but I am trying to be supportive while you work through your struggles.
You have struggles I can barely fathom and certainly can’t fix. I couldn’t sleep last night after reading about the potential life-threatening condition you face, and trying to find reasonable information about treatments and expectations. It scares me, and I can only imagine what you are feeling as you face the unknown, and then the known.
I felt like you were pushing me away again this morning, when I feel I should support you most. I am here for you no matter what your future brings.
When I asked you some time ago, “Where do you want to be in life in five years?”, you answered “ALIVE”. I now understand that feeling. I want you around me for a long time. I hope to see you today, and see how you are feeling. I will ask you someday if I can go to your oncology appointment with you.
