As I read your story, I am so sad that you are not happy. I always wanted you to find your dream, your peace. I know sometimes you may not believe that. The more I seem be gone away, the more I am thinking about you. When you think I don’t care anymore, is when I care more than I should.
I understand depressions and hopelessness. I was there, at rock bottom when an angel – YOU – sent one simple message that gave me hope. “What happened to you?” brought me back to a world of possibility. It was the start of an emotionally wild and both difficult and happy period in my life.
I certainly did not ever consider things would turn out as they are now. I thought if I loved you enough, we could overcome anything.
I’ve tried to still love and support you well knowing you will never come back or be with me again. But, it appears I’ve become an emotion sucking vampire that instead of helping just brings more turmoil and pain.
I want you to be happy. But, of course, I want me to be happy too. And, I agree, maybe neither of us will be happy again. Even though we were together for less months than the years we’ve been apart since, it remains the happiest I’ve ever been. It was easy to love you and I wanted to be with you every night (and it wasn’t just sex).
I will always love you. But, I will always regret your leaving. Reading your story makes me sad you are in pain, and makes me sad that I was not enough for you. I encourage you to continue to write and post. Sometimes just writing down my feelings helps me deal with them. And sometimes the feelings I write down are only what I feel at that moment and then the dissolve away.
If there is something I can do, just ask. Because you know I’ll try my best to help you when I can.
