Category: Trial of Love

It was seven years ago. You were standing on the other side of the counter, deep dark eyes and a hint of a smile. We often made small talk. I looked you up on line… but “its complicated” was all I found.

It is always complicated. And, I still love you. I wish you happiness and peace.

I am thankful to know you. I am thankful you came into my life. You saved me. I wish you happiness.

I will always love you.

It is a little after 11 on a Thursday night. We both worked late and we’re about to go to bed together in your apartment. We crawl into bed and I hold you in my arms. You push your hips back into me. I whisper in your ear, “if you do that again I’m going to pull your shorts off and take you any way I want.” You push back into me twice more.

I roll you onto your back and pull off your shorts as I kiss you.  I pull off my boxers as I climb between your legs. You grab me, guiding me towards you….to enter you. I look in your eyes.

I wake up.

That was five years ago.

This memory still comes in my dreams. I wake up and my arms long to hold you. My heart misses you. And my body desires you.

It’s Thursday night.

Autumn comes again. It was perhaps the happiest time of my life. Even when I was away to a business conference, you were here, in my home. I wanted you to feel home. I wanted you to feel like it was where you belong.

I wish you could have felt that. I always wanted you to feel love and be comfortable…. wanted.

Be well. You are always missed.

“Sometimes, you have to accept the reality that breaks your heart to try and find peace for your soul”

I feel like this a lot. I don’t want to accept what is an apparent truth. I still foolishly want to hold onto false hope.

Summer is ending too quickly. So many home chores not done, but when the nice days are around I’d rather go ride.

I think about you often. I saw your dog photo. It’s nice you have a companion that is always happy when you are near.

Wishing you well.

I walked to the bank to make a deposit today. I still miss that you’re not here…. that you’re not mine.

Somtimes, I just need to settle for what I have and give up on what I want.

Happy Birthday!

I hope you can have a happy day and I look forward to seeing you next week.

I got my old red motorcycle out, inspected, and rode it most of yesterday. It seemed so small. Maybe I’m just a little bigger now.

It reminded me of riding with you.

I remembered riding around the bay, stopping for a beer. I remember when times were good. I hope you have those good times now.

You are still in my heart. I just want you to be happy.