Category: Trial of Love

My feelings have not changed for you. I still wish we could have been together – I believed it would have been great. And, sometimes I still want that.

However, it didn’t happen and it is not likely to happen. My logical brain knows that you are you, where you are. And I am me stuck here. We could never quite get it together to meet in the middle. Emotional me still wants and desires you – and more so the more we talk.

So, my feelings haven’t changed, and likely won’t – although time will soften them and I hope I can be a friend to you.

You never really shared your feelings (how you feel now) or desires. I know there has been some hurt (from me), and that you have moments of nostalgia and loneliness. Also, a workplace that isn’t enjoyable and supportive certainly adds stress.

I hope you are enjoying a day off, and have time to just enjoy a small pleasure – what ever that may be.

Yes, love always – and care, concern, and best wishes.

I am just trying to figure out how to keep you in my life. I was never over you, over your moving away.

Time passes but me feelings don’t seem to fade or change. I still get elated when I hear from you. Just missing what I thought was the best I ever had.

Be well, and I hope you are having fun.

I haven’t been looking forward much. I’ve been mostly stuck in my here-and-now. Not making plans, not thinking of future. I have several things booked on my calendar, but all things someone else put there. Like dog/house sitting.

I will be sure to have some time to spend with you when you come up. I know you hate planning, but maybe we can figure out a time that works for the both of us to have lunch and hang out a bit.

I’m always thinking of you. Be well.

Good morning.

The dog has me up early for a walk. The forecast is rain all day, but I’ve got a rental lift today and I have to remove the dead maple tree from the front lawn.

Although it is just a process of living, cutting down a tree I planted when I was 5 years old has some sense of finality – or morbidity- to it. It gives me a feeling of loss, and that feeling reminds me of you.

I check your blog often. I hope the less you post the happier you are. As for me, I’ve just seem to run out of ways to say I miss you. I still feel you were the greatest love of my life.

Be well, have fun, and take care of yourself. This earth is a better place with you here.

The anniversary of your moving away has passed again. I still relive the sorrow of seeing you move away. I’m glad I took those few days to help you though, because it let me express my love for you.

This week has been a bit off. Work,home – just trying to keep up with what needs to be done.

It has been three weeks since the dog was here. I picked him up last night and even with rain, getting him out for walks seems to help improve my mood. It certainly makes the mosquitos happy.

I hope you are well when you read this. Have some fun. Smile. You are loved.

HI,

I had to close comments after 7 days to avoid the russian porn and viagra spam. However, if I don’t post every 7 days, there is no way to comment.

So, you can comment on this post until August 2.

Life goes on. Hot water tank split last week ($1500). Taking tree down in front yard that died, but it turns out to be too tall to drop, need to rent a lift. Just a lot of work (both home and employment), and feeling like there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done.

I wonder about you often, hoping you are doing well. Wondering what you are feeling. I am sorry about our last conversation – that I didn’t listen well. I know you were opening up.

How is the job? Get your schedule settled down or still working like crazy?

Lastly, I am concerned about your health, and pray often that you are well. I wish I were able to be there for you.

I have been pondering if I waited too long for you to want me, or if I didn’t wait long enough. I am confused and uncertain. Yes, I want to be with you. But, is it worth the risk? Do I risk everything emotionally (again) to try?

I want you to know, I am thinking and wondering. I care about you deeply – I don’t know what to say, but I do not dismiss the idea of living the rest of our lives together. Is that just fantasy?

You and I seem to never be quite in sync with each other. And that makes me sad.

Thanks for talking today. I hope I didn’t make you sad.

I’m glad you have landed a good job and have a plan. And, glad that plan includes a vacation in November. Try not to be too hard on yourself – yes, you have to follow your plan, but you know you’ll reap the rewards eventually.

I’ll write later, but I wanted you to find that I am happy we talked, and I wish you all the best.

P.S. I did think about finding out what cruise you booked and booking myself – but I was sure I wouldn’t want to find out if you were with someone.

I still check your blog, but never see any updates. I see this blog gets no visitors – so writing this must be foolish because you won’t read it.

Best of luck, and love always.