Category: Trial of Love

Happy New Year! I hope this is your year of joy, love, and health.

I’ve been thinking about you, and missing how we could always find fun and conversation together. I hope you had a good end to 2018 and are embracing the possibilities of 2019. I wish you joy this year – and you’ve got a good start with vacation this month. I hope it is both a blast and restful/relaxing.

Love always.

Hi,

I thought I was going to be alone on Christmas day, but ended up busy all day with family. The youngest stopped by to make breakfast, then I had to help my dad get out of his place to go to dinner. Mid-afternoon my niece called because she had broken her phone and couldn’t access any of her email (lost passwords in the phone) and the resets kept sending text verifications to her phone.

It ended up a busy day. I hope you are well and had some enjoyment. Bless you for working. I’m sure other folks enjoyed their day off because of you.

Love and best wishes always….

P.S. You haven’t posted in a while.

Happy Holidays!

I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently, and I hope you are well. I always wanted you to be happy, to follow your dream. I hope you have a good holiday and if you don’t get to see your family I hope you atleast get to spend some phone time with them.

I’m sure you’ll have fun on vacation next month. It is a great way to spend a few days totally unplugged from the real world. My suggestion is get $50 in one dollar bills and tip $1 each drink. You’ll have the best service.

You’re in my thoughts and prayers. Love always.

P.S. I did not send you a package this year, as it seems it would be inappropriate.

So, new wheels? Email me a photo sometime.

Thanksgiving was fairly typical. Dinner at family, JS working. Just like you – she avoids any family stuff. Youngest didn’t show, he went to his mother’s but now has food poisoning. Oldest doesn’t change. He is hunting this week.

It has been very cold here (and my excuse to not decorate for Christmas). Maybe in a week or two. I keep wondering how you are feeling. Are you ok with where you are at? Still looking to change things?

I wish you peace and that you find joy and happiness. Love always.

I’ve been hesitant to write because everything I think of just sounds sad. This is a bit of a down time of year for me. The loss of daylight and colder temps don’t help much either.

I’m sorry to hear you are suffering Raynaud’s Syndrome. I don’t really know anything about it. I can only pray you are well and stay warm.

I won’t be doing much for Thanksgiving. Deb invited me to dinner. The boys are going to NEK to spend the weekend with their mother and older will hunt.

May you have a drama-free, restful Thanksgiving.

Love always……

Hi,

The clouds and rain of November have arrived. No snow yet to hide the dead sticks and leaves. Maybe we’ll get some snow this weekend to cover the leaves on my yard that I haven’t raked up yet.

It is hard to not be sad with the holidays coming up. I keep reflecting on four years ago, and wondering why we just couldn’t make it. I know there are many reasons. But still, I miss whatever it was we had.

I hope you are doing well and making plans for Thanksgiving. Will you see your children during the holidays?

Love and best wishes always.

It has been a busy two weeks (working). I worked all weekend doing a research project so I haven’t had any downtime in a while. But that has only kept me from posting – it has NOT kept me from thinking about you and hoping you are well.

Everyone here is nervous about Tuesday voting and what will happen.

I am finding politics exhausting when I’m just trying to survive. I loaded in 3 tons of wood pellets last Monday. Got my snows over the weekend. And, got a trunk full of rock salt (in bags) Wednesday after work. I just need to gas up the snow blower and rake the front lawn! LOL

I hope you are well and finding some happiness. Did you send Pickle home?

I will always love you and care about you. I hope you can find some peace and happiness where you are in life right now; Embrace it.

I know things aren’t always happy or good. But, when you find some good things in life (and sometimes you don’t know it until its gone) rejoice in having them. Find your small moments of happiness or when you’re content and let those moments fill your day and overpower any negativity.

I know you have family visiting and that can place demands on your time, attention, and sometimes they are not nice – although probably without understanding they were. But, take time to appreciate having family. Forgive them for their shortcomings (as they probably can’t overcome them).

I hope you find some happiness.

Love, always.

Heard this on my way into town. Laughed because I wish it were true…. (keep reading below lyrics)

Of course, this was immediately followed by…

A while ago you talked about approaching a certain age and wanting to be settled. You said you wanted a partner, a certainty in life.

I was there too. I was there when you left this state. I was there when a year went by and you told me not to contact you any more. I was there when a year had passed, then an other. I’m older than you.

I had wanted to be settled with you. But that was no longer an option. And yes, I was both lonely and alone. I sought a companion.

What you wouldn’t let me explain when I saw you a year ago was how I found and chose someone. As you noted, things here seem a little fucked up. So, let me explain.

First, I found someone that didn’t demand (or even need) a commitment. But someone that was ok with just living in the moment. We both understood that either could leave at anytime. And, with her divorce not final yet, it ensured that there would be no pressure to be anything more than a day-by-day experience.

Second, I found someone that would welcome you. I found someone I thought you would like and get along with. Someone that (at that time) understood I loved you first.

I know, different. But you see, I always thought of you in everything. If you recall, we talked about your desires.

The other reality, I was going broke. I could not afford to live by myself for much longer. Having a roommate has made things much easier – as I’m sure you understand.

So, companionship, economics, and utter loneliness (if not total fear of being alone) all shaped what happened.

I still love you. And, I always will. But, I am working on accepting what can’t be.