An online diary of a heartbroken man
I just want to make you…..
I just want to make you fall in love with me again. I know that doesn’t work that way, but I really missed having you in my life.
Always wishing you happiness and sending you love, Me.
I will always love you. You were my angel when I needed one most. Just seeing you for one minute brings back all the feelings, longings, of wanting to be with you. I hope you find the love that fills your needs. One that appreciates your gentle soul, and sweet kiss.
I remember looking up at this moon, and wondering if you were looking at it too. Wondering if you were missing me at as I was missing you. It was a Thursday night. I couldn’t sleep and just looked at the sky….. waiting.
from a happier time.
There are moments of every day that I miss you and wonder what you are doing. I find myself still wanting to hold you. It has been a long time since you were with me.
I scroll all the messages we exchanged in the past…. back as far as I could. I couldn’t find the first one… the one where you sent a message that said something like “Hey, what happened to you?”
I was feeling very lost at that moment… and you saved me. You opened me to possibility. Then, just two days later you kissed me (or maybe I kissed you). That kiss brought me back to life.
I love you. I will always love you. And I miss you. But mostly, I hope you are happy and healthy. Because, my desire for you is second only to my desire for you to be happy.
It was eight years ago I asked you out for a drink. But, you were getting ready for vacation and didn’t respond.
Time goes by but I still think of you, and how you saved my life, every day.
Love, always.
The pain remains, even today.
Heartbreak at first, the pain is excruciating. Every movement or breath is a painful reminder I’m alive when I feel like I’ve been killed. The tears just come out, over and over. There is no comfort.
Soon, I am able to hide the pain from public. Control the tears so they only arrive when I’m alone. The pain is always there, just under the surface, consuming my thoughts. I struggle to keep it hidden.
Eventually the pain is part of the everyday existence. It is a companion I don’t want, but would not know how to live without. The pain of heartbreak is a reminder of what was, and what is no longer and will never be again. I hope beyond reason love will return, but the pain is a reminder that it can’t.
The tears still come. But, mostly when I am alone. I still long for you and your touch. My mind won’t let me forget holding you. My heart won’t let me forget what love once was.
Time continues on, no matter how much I wish it would stop. The days all blend into each other, wake up, do what needs to be done, back to bed. Some nights I sleep while others I just wonder why I am here.
I try to focus on the immediate. Having defined tasks and things to do keeps me occupied, but I lack even the most basic motivation. When you were here, I always wanted to make this place better. I wanted to make it someplace you wanted. Now I look around and see dozens of unfinished projects that I have no energy to tackle.
I miss what was, and accepting it will never be again has me depressed. It has reached the point that I’m starting meds again. Better to feel nothing than feel what I do.
You’re right. And as always, you are the more sensible one between us. I would love to see you, give you a hug, and hear how you are doing. But not visiting each other is safest during these crazy times.
I still want to be the one that greets you at the airport with flowers. The one who gets to say goodnight last. But, things have changed and we’ve both moved away from each other. The feelings last but the reality of moving on with life makes the world a more difficult place at times.
I’m not worried about not seeing you. I still feel in my heart that when the time is right, we’ll meet up again. Although you may not feel my hugs, I hope you feel warmth knowing I want to hug you.
And, I would not want to let go.
Be safe, have a great time with family. Thank you for thinking about me on your trip home. We’ll meet again – someday when life isn’t so complicated.
Love always.
I woke up dreaming of you….. hard. I tried to get back to sleep to live in the dream of you being happy….being together.
I wish you a happy day and look forward to the days to come.
All the thoughts that run through my head. All the ways I try to distract myself. The times that I just lay awake in the middle of night.
It all comes down to the same thing. I miss you.
I hope you are doing well and staying safe.
