Author: Him

I went to a concert last night…..music was ok. A bunch of oldies that my sister wanted to see.

The second song of the set took me by surprise how it made me think of you. I haven’t been able to shake you out of my head all night.

I keep forgettin’ we’re not in love anymore
I keep forgettin’ things will never be the same again
I keep forgettin’ how you made that so clear
I keep forgettin’ it all

Every time I hear
How you never want to live a lie
How it’s gone too far
And you don’t have to tell me why
Why you’re gone and why the game is through

Although we’ve never spent this date together (I don’t think I’ve ever even seen you on this date), it is very special and to be celebrated.

It is a celebration of the joys, love, and happiness you bring to the world. You saved me, taught me that love is still possible, and brought me more joy than you will ever know.

I miss you my friend. I hope you are well and smile today.

I know you are where you need to be…. finding your way in your own way.

I understand, even though I miss you a great deal (and regret you could not be with me). I hope I do see you in on your next visit. I’m sure it will be hard and possibly sad. But not seeing you would be worse.

I will always hold you dear in my heart. I loved you.

1 Comment: her 6/26/2016 03:37:20 am

Thank you for the birthday card. I am still trying very hard to get through the month of June. It is a struggle…..

6/11/2016

We both write about our struggles to find our way to a love that fits us.

I am sorry I screwed up your life. I hope you find all the happiness I know you deserve. I will always care about you.

1 Comment: her 6/12/2016 06:24:20 am

WHY do people feel the can decide how I feel, what I think and what they have done to change my life?? Please, you don’t get to take the credit for screwing up my life. I did that.

I have a new job, better paying. I am going to start saving money…..I have decided I am going to move in the spring. May 2017. Don’t ask where, because I don’t even know yet.

I always tried to be with you, but I always wanted you to be with me……

Why do I want you? Simply love…..complicated, messy, irrational, sometimes needy, and occasionally wonderful.

When we are together, I feel we fit together. Even when you were saying you didn’t want to be with me (at my sisters), there was an undeniable bond between us. A bond I tried to keep, and one you tried to break.

But, I am selfish, and always wanted to you to be with me…. and only me.

I saw you are planning a fall trip. That from someone that never wanted to plan anything in advance (with me?). Maybe we’ll be ok by then and can say hi. I don’t think I’ll ever stop caring about you or stop loving you… but as you say… I need to stop being in love… and that is slowing ebbing away.

Be well. I hope you find that happiness you seek.

1 Comment: her 6/5/2016 05:04:11 am

Have you ever read my blog and yours and noticed the vast difference? Yes, my reunion is in September, I will be there for a week. I would like to say hi, but I don’t want to destroy the progress you are making…… I will leave it up to you.

Have you ever heard of the front porch theory????

Sometimes, my children help me out without knowing it. Facing a long weekend alone, I actually considered just driving and showing up. I know. Foolish. Foolish thoughts often come in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep. Thankfully, I needed to dog sit this weekend, and the dog hates the car. Still, I wonder what your reaction would have been to see Jax.

I joined the Rolling Thunder ride yesterday. The trip home was in a thunder storm past your old apartment. I was not prepared for the wave of emotion that overcame me. The last time I was there, I was packing you up to leave. Good thing it was raining….hiding the tears on my face.

I hope you found some enjoyment this weekend.

1 Comment: her 6/2/2016 07:23:31 am

Unfortunately I would’ve been at work most of the week. I went to the vineyard with my sister and some friends on Saturday. I think you would’ve enjoyed the place. Not my favorite vineyard, but it was nice. Blues and BBQ….

Visiting my landlord at the nursing home right now. Will write more later.

I saw your comments and am seriously thinking about how to run away. Could I? Where to go?

I’m glad you had time with your son and can “see the light”.

It is Saturday morning, and unexpectedly sunny. The weather forecast had been for rain. I guess I have a few things to do today.

• trash to the dump
• haircut
• replace the fuel pump in my winter car
• try to not check email every 10 minutes to see if you left a comment.

The beauty of the day does not compare to my memories of your smile. Be well.

I think about you often. I miss your blog. At least when you were writing (even if you weren’t writing to me), I could check in and see what was happening in your life. It just feels like something else missing.

I was grocery shopping and strawberries were on sale. I thought about buying some to freeze for your smoothies. I walk through the store and remember buying ribeye steaks, fruit for fruit salad…. making dinner.

I just miss having you in my life. I hope your life is going well.

1 Comment: her 5/14/2016 09:39:04 am

Calvin was here this past week. It was fun. I have a new job. I will be working for a local bank as a traveling teller. I also received a raise at the store, so I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am trying to pay down bills and save some money. I need to move!

I know you are far away from your children and mom. Yet, I still hope you can have a happy day filled with joy and warmth.

You are the only one I could think of this morning to send this wish.