Author: Him

I know you miss me sometimes. Maybe I don’t want to believe you so I can get away… but mostly I want you to miss me the way I miss you.

I want to you miss my holding you at night. I want you to miss the times we did just the most boring thing together like get groceries, make dinner, do laundry, or just drive home late after work. I want you to miss coffee in the morning, lunch visits, and afternoon surprises. I want you to miss all that is here at home that has always been waiting for you.. wanting you more than anyone.

So yes, I know you miss me sometimes. I still miss you all the time.

Question: Is it safe to send you mail? (not email) Or, will that cause more drama than it’s worth?

P.S. Is your therapist telling you to not follow your heart?

I know you miss home… and family.

I miss you.

Maybe I’m trying to stop you from falling in love – from getting on with your life. Maybe I still think that we are meant to be together someday. Maybe I’m a complete fool. I’m just rockin’ out this afternoon.

— seems most appropriate

​https://youtu.be/RiSfTyrvJlg

more like reality….

I am thankful for every minute I was able to spend with you.

Although Thanksgiving day itself is not great (I mark it as the day you decided to break up), I am thankful for all the times we laughed, the drives we had together, and the nights I held you in my arms.

You saved me once, and I loved you so. We spent many days and nights discussing everything from taxes to dreams. I understand you need to follow your dream and take care of yourself. But I still miss the feel of you in my arms. Thoughts of you in my bed still haunt me.

I am thankful that we can still communicate sometimes, even if only this way. I miss you my love. I hope you enjoy family and have a wonderful day.

Cold hard bitch
Just a kiss on the lips
And I was on my knees
I’m waiting give me

Not so much the title, but because I feel I am still waiting for you. Just one kiss was all it took for me to fall in love with you.

1 Comment

Her 11/19/2016 12:35:47 pm

Sorry. And the last time we saw each other, you kissed me!

Stay safe my love.

I’m in Boston this week. Remembering when we were here. My heart still misses you.

some things never seem to change…. like my dreams of you when I’m sleeping in a cold be.. remembering how it used to be.

I hope you are well.

1 Comment

her 10/27/2016 04:30:34 am

I am doing ok. Called out today. Don’t know if it’s the blues, allergies or the “I don’t give a fuck”….. But I am not even getting out of bed.

Hope you are doing well.

We all worry about many things we just can’t control. What will happen in the future? Will this last? When will things change?

The truth is, you taught me to stop worrying so much because I can’t control or guard against most of it. But, think about what you say…. Would you really want someone that:

• Fears permanency, in all forms
• Might leave if they feel too needy, or
• Might leave if they feel you are too needy
• Will just throw it all away if they decide they want to live somewhere else
• Doesn’t want to invest in a relationship, to make it easier to leave
• Plans to leave, so as not to be left
• Won’t promise to at least try

That seems to be the way you present it. Me, I prefer to love. I prefer to work hard at maintaining a relationship, giving it my all, and even sticking around when things are tough to try and make it better. Sure, I’m always afraid of being hurt, heartbroken, and of being the fool. Even with all the heartache in the past three years, I am glad I loved you. I don’t regret that. I am sorry things didn’t work out the way I wanted to, but I know I gave everything (or nearly everything) I could and did my best by you.

Right now, I feel I will never fall in love again like I did with you. And, I don’t really want to fall in love again. Same reason I never wanted to own another dog — to avoid the pain that comes as part of the package. But, I would fall in love with you all over again, because I loved you more than I ever loved anyone. I wanted to please you more than you may ever believe. And, I would have held you until my last day on earth. I will hold you in my heart ‘til that day and more.

So, are you the way you are because you can’t care that deeply? Or because you don’t want to be hurt that much again? To some extent, I feel sorry for the woman I am dating now… because I will never fall in love with her – not the way I am in love with you. –

Its been a busy week. I got a call Friday at 2am – water running out my office front door. It seems a toilet broke upstairs and flooded my office. I’ve been working 15 hour days trying to get things back to some resemblance of normal. Computers are finally working again.

I still think about you constantly. I was hoping you would write or text. I know you still have family visiting in the area, and probably rarely have a free minute to yourself.

I hope you’re having a good Autumn. I’m here.

2 Comments

Her 9/29/2016 03:50:50 am

Of course you are fixing the problems at work….. You are a fixer.

It is not autumn here. It starts at 70 and by noon it’s around 85. People are wearing boots and fleece because it is “so cold”.

I am missing VT. And yes, I am missing you. I never know if I should text, I do not want to make you sad.

Her 10/6/2016 11:37:33 am

Bored at work. Reading your old blog posts!

Sometimes, life feels completely out of control, lost, and even hopeless.

Life gets so crazy. We guess at every decision, wonder if what we are doing is right or wrong, or if it even matters. Life starts to spins, our minds search for meaning and our bodies search for a place of belonging. I know your life can feel completely nuts at time.

But, If you’re the nut, I’m the crazed squirrel that desires you to no end.

All my love, always (whether I want to love you or not).