Author: Him

I can’t stop wanting you. That feeling that somehow we should be together, in some way, has never left me. Since the first day we chatted at your work (November 2013?) I’ve been drawn to you. It took me no time to fall in love with you. You were so open to me.

This feeling doesn’t leave me. No matter how much I try to move on or “get over it” I just feel like someday it has to happen.

I was alone last night and I only wanted to call you. I am alone again tonight. Should I text? I’m feeling like I’m bothering you.

Every time I think I’m getting used to living without you… I realize I want you more than ever. But, I want more than photos and texts. I want to be the one that you feel beside you at night. I want to be the one you meet for a drink and smile. I want to be the one you want.

I still love you. And, I miss you so much. I’m afraid the of how I will feel when you find someone else. I want you to myself. And, sometimes you want me… and that keeps me going.

I realize I am Leonard to your Penny, but without the happy ending.

Please, think of me every so often, and remember, I always wanted to make you happy.

I thought about texting you so many times today. I hope you are feeling better. I’m alone, and stuck thinking about how we once were.

Missing you… good night.

I haven’t posted because I just can’t get the thoughts straight in my head.

Yes, I know what I want, but I fear I am but playing the fool. I don’t know what you want… and I’m guessing you don’t either. Or, at least not clear enough to share.

I was glad you made time to see me. If you hadn’t, I was resolved to just drop out of your life. To me, it is a measure of how important I am (or am not) in your life. But, that raises questions to which I’m not sure I want the answers.

I will always love you. And I know you don’t really understand it…. maybe it is closest to that someone you feel you will always love, even if they are no good for you. The difference, I know you could be good for me, and I think I could be good for you.

But, at last you are there and I am here. And, it looks like that won’t change. I am glad you are following your dreams and happy. You know I will always be just a phone call away.

Meanwhile, my heart wants you and my body misses you. (I’m still waiting for that photo 🙂

So, you haven’t posted for a while either. Be safe, stay happy, and I pray you feel better.

My true love….

We’ve never connected on Valentines Day, so I won’t pretend it means anything between us. I hope you have a happy day all the same.

As usual, I’ve been selfish and we’ve been talking about what I want, what is ok for me, and what isn’t. You’ve mentioned some things about your upcoming trip. But, I haven’t really asked you what you want.

You still have my love, and I care for you you deeply (that will unlikely ever change). But, dare I ask what you want…. even if unlikely? What is your dream? Do you see us in the future?

I still have that silly fantasy that someday you will want to be in love and maybe with me.

In all of my self-centered world, I’ve prayed many times asking God to keep save and guide the people I love. This week many prayers have been answered.

You are well on your way to fulfilling your dreams of career, safe living, and independence you seek. My family had been kept safe in the face of adversity many times this year. And, while life could always be better or easier, I still am able to keep a roof over my head and meet my obligations. So, I thank God for all the good that is happening. I’ll still pray for safe-keeping, your success, and reunion. With gratitude.

I love you and it brings me joy when you are happy. I am sorry I don’t always make you happy. Be well and may you find some happiness every day.

2 Comments

Her 1/29/2017 07:20:08 pm

I posted today and reposted one that you said was not there! I hope I didn’t ruin things for you!

Her 2/7/2017 03:36:35 am

I am surprised you have not posted in a while. I have some questions for you…… is it fair for to see me when I am home? For J? Will you tell her? What are you expecting? I think we need to figure this out, before see me. I need to know….

I went back through a number of old posts, and the first post of this blog still holds true.

My heart aches. My eyes water. I miss you and I so badly wanted love… I just keep thinking about your kiss, about holding you. I am devastated!

I miss you.

I made you sad. Yes, I’m an asshole.

I sometimes want you to be sad and homesick. I want to you wonder why you left, and how you’ll get back home. I want you to want to come home to me. So, yes, I like it that you miss me, and I wish you missed me enough to want to come home. But, I know that isn’t likely.

But, I don’t ever want to be the reason you’re sad. I want you to be happy. I really do. Of course, I wish you had been happy with me. Maybe someday…. because if we are really meant to be (as I often think), it will happen.

Life continues, but my feelings haven’t changed. I miss you and love you.

And lately, I really miss holding you all night.

Good night, and I look forward to talking sometime soon.

Hi,

No, not really. But not all that bad, thanks. I have a cold that won’t get going. Yesterday youngest son called and is facing a problem. The pain and fear in his voice put me into a mood I haven’t felt since you un-friended me on FB.

But, we will get through it. The good news is, it is only money. No one will loose their life or freedom. No bodily injury. Just foolishness that did some damage (and, just really an accident from him not knowing better).

However, I was feeling really down in the dumps. But, I’ll pick myself back up and get going.

Meanwhile, my thoughts are with you and all you need to do this week and next. I hope you got my mail. I know it is not that important in the face of all you have happening right now. But, when I have problems, I just look at all you have overcome to be your own person, and I rally on. Someday….