As I lay in bed

I try to remember the nights I held you. I try to remember the feeling of you in my arms. Sometimes these memories are fading… sometimes they are all that occupy my mind.

I miss you.

On good nights I remember how it feels to hold you. How it was when we talked about our dreams or life. How truly intimate we were. Not sex, but just laying ourselves out to each other emotionally raw. I wanted to fulfill your every desire. Not just sexual desires, but every desire to live life to its fullest.

Then I remember how it was when you would come home with me. I wanted this to be your home too. Our home.

I could never hold you without wanting you. Every time I see you, I just want you again… fall in love with you again. I feel like I become myself when you are near. Without you, I’m just going through the motions trying to not notice the void in life without you.

I hope you find the love you need, the peace you seek, and a love greater than I have for you.

Author: Him

A story of love lost. Just a guy in love with a woman that doesn't want a relationship with him. She moved away and married someone else. I have shared this blog with her, and she knows the truth. I tried. I waited for a while. But, none of it worked. She is married to someone else now, but still drops into my life now and again. I am trying to move on. But, she was my one true love that inspired me to be a better person. If any of this story has meaning to you, please let me know. Thank you.

4 thoughts on “As I lay in bed”

  1. I am laying in bed reading this. It’s 1:00am and I am lost. I am also alone. I used to say I needed to be independent….. I truly believe that. Aren’t you glad we didn’t get married and fail because I am not the kind to be married?? I am afraid that being here is going to do damage, but I have to stay for a few more months. I have no where to go, but I will figure it out….. Eventually!!

    1. Maybe… maybe not. What if you did marry me? I’m sure things would be different because every situation is different. Maybe we would have failed. But maybe not. The dedication you have shown to being married is amazing.

      You made me dream and hope. You inspired my madness to do better. And having you in my arms was the best I ever felt.

      I hope you had some good feelings then too.

  2. I had many good feelings then. I was never able to get out of my head or my own way to enjoy the happiness you were willing to give. Every experience, every gift, every time you lent me a hand or a leg up I felt was an insinuation that I was incapable or weak. I am not a good person. I feel like I take, and I’m unable to give…… I go to church, I try to be better, but it just is never enough.

    1. The greatest strength is acknowledging your own shortcomings. Mine is a lack of empathy (to the point of appearing rude).

      I never thought of you as weak. And, I feel we all need to find that person or group that supports us and lends a hand when we need it. Sometimes it is family, but often it is a stranger that becomes a friend.

      I don’t think you ever realized how much you gave me. You saved me. You made me want to live. You made me want to do better. You make me hopeful. You inspired me to make a better home, live a better life, and you enabled me to dream. None of that was possible without you.

      YOU ARE MY ANGEL.

      Love always.

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