Month: March 2020

I’m sorry I was selfish and could only love you if you were only mine. I know you need to be you, and have your own life, but I could only be there for you if you were solely mine.

I’m sorry I didn’t follow you. I wanted to, but as you are aware, I’m deeply anchored here. I’m sorry I am too selfish to leave this place.

I’m sorry I broke your heart. I know I wasn’t kind when you were going to ask me to go on a vacation with you. I was only thinking about myself, and not about your feelings. I lashed out from my own hurt when I should have really listened to you and your needs.

I’m sorry you’re in the shit thick of a mess right now. I always wanted you to be happy, and not miserable. I know that I also put my needs before your. Human nature? Maybe. But I still wish you could find peace and happiness (and I know for you that may mean being single with friends).

I’m sorry you’re so stressed right now. As if the current condition of the world isn’t bad enough, add on relationship problems is just crappy. I hope you keep safe and well.

 

It seems the news is more dire every day. I hope you are healthy and keeping yourself as safe as possible. I look to see if there are any confirmed novel coronavirus cases in your area.

My oldest is sick, but not sick enough to screen (yet). The hazards of working the streets I guess. Probably a cold, but still concerning. I’ve been coughing and sneezing, but it is time for spring allergies to start.

I hope your world and the people you love have little effect from this.

I don’t tell anyone I love them, because I still love you.

As I read your story, I am so sad that you are not happy. I always wanted you to find your dream, your peace. I know sometimes you may not believe that. The more I seem be gone away, the more I am thinking about you. When you think I don’t care anymore, is when I care more than I should.

I understand depressions and hopelessness. I was there, at rock bottom when an angel – YOU – sent one simple message that gave me hope. “What happened to you?” brought me back to a world of possibility. It was the start of an emotionally wild and both difficult and happy period in my life.

I certainly did not ever consider things would turn out as they are now. I thought if I loved you enough, we could overcome anything.

I’ve tried to still love and support you well knowing you will never come back or be with me again. But, it appears I’ve become an emotion sucking vampire that instead of helping just brings more turmoil and pain.

I want you to be happy. But, of course, I want me to be happy too. And, I agree, maybe neither of us will be happy again. Even though we were together for less months than the years we’ve been apart since, it remains the happiest I’ve ever been. It was easy to love you and I wanted to be with you every night (and it wasn’t just sex).

I will always love you. But, I will always regret your leaving. Reading your story makes me sad you are in pain, and makes me sad that I was not enough for you. I encourage you to continue to write and post. Sometimes just writing down my feelings helps me deal with them. And sometimes the feelings I write down are only what I feel at that moment and then the dissolve away.

If there is something I can do, just ask. Because you know I’ll try my best to help you when I can.