October 2016 – Trial of Love

We all worry about many things we just can’t control. What will happen in the future? Will this last? When will things change?

The truth is, you taught me to stop worrying so much because I can’t control or guard against most of it. But, think about what you say…. Would you really want someone that:

Fears permanency, in all forms
Might leave if they feel too needy, or
Might leave if they feel you are too needy
Will just throw it all away if they decide they want to live somewhere else
Doesn’t want to invest in a relationship, to make it easier to leave
Plans to leave, so as not to be left
Won’t promise to at least try

That seems to be the way you present it. Me, I prefer to love. I prefer to work hard at maintaining a relationship, giving it my all, and even sticking around when things are tough to try and make it better. Sure, I’m always afraid of being hurt, heartbroken, and of being the fool. Even with all the heartache in the past three years, I am glad I loved you. I don’t regret that. I am sorry things didn’t work out the way I wanted to, but I know I gave everything (or nearly everything) I could and did my best by you.

Right now, I feel I will never fall in love again like I did with you. And, I don’t really want to fall in love again. Same reason I never wanted to own another dog — to avoid the pain that comes as part of the package. But, I would fall in love with you all over again, because I loved you more than I ever loved anyone. I wanted to please you more than you may ever believe. And, I would have held you until my last day on earth. I will hold you in my heart ‘til that day and more.

So, are you the way you are because you can’t care that deeply? Or because you don’t want to be hurt that much again? To some extent, I feel sorry for the woman I am dating now… because I will never fall in love with her – not the way I am in love with you. –

Month: October 2016

Yup, still missing you

We all worry