Month: September 2015

I’m confused! But what else is new?

We were having a light conversation about my visiting sometime – driving down for a long weekend. You know I would love to come visit you and have looked several times at air fare and schedules.

Your new work schedule seems to make Friday and Saturday better for you (I think). The best weekend I could think of was Thanksgiving. But, I’m not sure that would be good with any family activities. And, I must be honest that driving nearly 2,000 miles in four or five days isn’t that exciting. Maybe a drive down on the Wednesday before and drive back on Sunday.

Still, all this seems unlikely as the conversation came to a dead standstill. Maybe you’re feeling like you need some space or overwhelmed with moving again. Just a passing day-dream.

It is just sad that you felt so worried about my reaction to you sending me flowers that you had to call and caution me that it really doesn’t mean anything. I guess I am just that pathetic. And maybe I am. But don’t worry – I get it! You’ll never love me and I should never expect anything more than cordial friendship in return from you.

The funny thing is this comes in the middle of a light conversation about me driving down for a weekend – maybe driving down on a Wednesday. Of course the weekend that would make most sense is Thanksgiving. But who wants to repeat last year’s disaster?

I feel like an emotional yo-yo. You pull me in when you want support and then chase me away when you get scared I am too clingy or needy. Wrong?

You are going back to your new home. You make small talk littered with hopeful statements of meeting in the future. Am I losing you? Is there something more?

I love you, and you may never believe it. I am sad at your leaving, but happy to have spent time with you. I look to you as we move forward in time to see if we move further apart.

Did that feeling return of feeling special? I want you to know you are special to me. And, that is why I met you at the airport. Not because you needed anything, or weren’t capable, but because you are special and should feel wanted and loved.

I know you have lots going on and too much to do in your 5-1/2 days back in town. I feel privileged to be spending Sunday afternoon, evening, and night with you. I hope you are able to rest (even sleeping at your mother’s), feel better, and have fun.