Month: August 2014

I think of you ev’ry night and day
You took my heart and you took my pride away
I hate myself for loving you
Can’t break free from the the things that you do
I wanna walk but I run back to you
That’s why I hate myself for loving you

I still love you.

You say you don’t feel connected to me, yet you never made any effort to connect. Did you ever invite me to go along with you and your friends? Did you ever introduce me to any of your family. NO! You hid me away because you didn’t want to be connected to me.

I get to be angry about being jerked around. You still haven’t explained what happened or why so so drastically changed from Wednesday wanting to see me to Thursday’s not wanting to ever see me again. That sucks!

My heart is shattered and my soul turns black with sadness. I can barely function and just want the night to close in and take me away. I don’t want to feel anything anymore. I loved you. You said you wanted to see me. Then you dumped me without any warning. We were not friends. You never treated me like a friend. I was more than a friend to you. I tried to be everything you needed. But in the end, I was nothing you wanted.

Can you even explain why? You ramble about not being able to love, and maybe one day. Is that just to lead me along? Make up your mind and have the courage to tell the truth.

I once told you I never wanted to be married again because I never wanted to be divorced again. I will never give my heart away again because I never want to feel this broken and used. The pain is inhumane.

I will become like you. Unable to love. Out for myself – selfish and unapologetic. I will get all I can get and not care who gets hurt along the way. I have given too much, worn my heart on my sleeve, and tried to hard to be the good guy, the nice guy. All it has brought is pain and suffering. I have no heart left to give – it is shattered into a million pieces, unable to heal.

You sent an email that you missed me today. I once thought you were an angel. Did you miss me? Like a cat misses toying with a mouse? How can you miss me, you never wanted me. I was just your play thing, something to keep you entertained until you found something better. Just an other name in a long string of names of broken hearts. You were too uncaring to even notice the ex crying over breakfast. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find a new toy to play with. God help him.

I should thank you for teaching me that I am unlovable, and to not even try. And, yes, it is about me. Its about how you treated me. Saying its you doesn’t help at all.

I wanted to hold your hand. I wanted to hold your hand forever. I guess you couldn’t handle that.

I wish I could understand what happened between Wednesday night when you said “I really want to see you” and Thursday night when you said “I don’t want to date you”.

You are cruel and careless with my emotions. You only want me when it suits you, and you don’t care about the damage you do when you decide you don’t want me anymore.

You ripped my heart out and shattered it. Then you tried to do it again. You say you don’t remember parts of what you said on Thursday. Even if you don’t, it doesn’t excuse the pain and suffering you caused. I loved you completely, and you took advantage of me.

If you read this, you still owe me $40 for your bus pass, and I expect to be paid. The almond milk is a gift. My heart is not.