Month: August 2014

My love,

Do we risk ourselves to dream? Can you dream about something better without questioning what you have or where you are. I am not where I ever dreamed I would be in life. My life has been full of hardships and disappointments – many of my own doing, and some not. But if not for all that has happened, I would not have found you!

Dare I dream about future? About more? I truly understand that daring to dream is also a measure of where we are. We must acknowledge our sorrows to feel happiness. You inspire me to dream that life can be more, better, and even happy. So yes, I dare to dream of you and our future.

Is it so bad to fall in love? Not that thing you thought was love before, but true love. The love that let’s you be yourself without fear, and says it’s ok to be apart because you keep connected.

Here’s to doing it right- not slow or fast, but right. And finding our way together.

All my love to you.

Hi,

We were texting and then sudden -nothing. Did I do something to make you mad? Did your phone die? Or network problems?

I’ve gotten so used to immediate feedback and connection that when I don’t get a quick response I wonder what’s wrong.

Tonight, I’ll just guess it’s technology’s fault.

Love you!

Yes, this is the best thing! The simple act of thank you has made my day. I liked that “caring” was first on the list (until you ran out of room and added “rides” above it.)

All my love to you.

Dearest,

I didn’t mean to sound pessimistic this morning. I’m feeling a bout of reality. I have dreams that someday you’ll love me, but today I feel it’s time to stop being the dreamer.

Maybe you will fall in love with me. But for now, I should stop dreaming of an uncertain future and just be grateful for the present.

Yes, I missed you last night (already!). We’ve spent the last three nights and four days together. (Until last night). I was really enjoying your company. But not having any plans with you this week made me miss you.

Have a good day, and know that I care for you deeply. All my best, as you inspire me. But someday I’ll learn to not dream that I can be loved.

Dearest,

I am happy. I am truly happy with you in my life. I feel we are at the start of a good path. I hope we can travel this journey together for a long time.

Could I be happier – probably not. Yes, at times you feel I am impatient or I push a little. I’m not afraid to ask for what I want – which is everything. I want all of you.

Happiest? I only want to make you happy as well. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

What is there to be confused about? We keep coming back to each other. I want you. Even if I’m mad, I want you. You know how I feel – I hope you can believe me.

I understand we have a lot of work to do, and I hope we can do that together. I hope you don’t regret inviting me over. I don’t regret coming to you. Holding you, kissing you, is always my desire. You can drive me nuts at times and not always in a bad way!

So, I know you are confused, but I don’t know if that confusion is with me, or in your own emotions. If you want clarity from me, just ask.

If I don’t get to say anything else – thank you! Thank you for letting me back in your life.

“we’re not there yet”

That was your reply at lunch when we discussed what your options are if you miss the bus and get stuck in town. My first thought was how could we not be in a place where I am your back up, your ride home if you need it. And, my second thought was “where do we need to be” for you? I realize you were thinking I was saying the back up plan was you could stay with me.

But, where do you think we need to be? Was that statement a reference to we are not in a place where you would be comfortable spending the night with me (in my bed)? Or, that we need to go the other direction until I no longer want you in my bed? Such few words bring so many swirling thoughts.

On the latter, I wish we could have had the casual relationship you wanted. The one where you are at ease, and can come and go without feeling pressure or intensity. You asked a loaded question this morning, “How did YOU do that?” My answer was just as loaded – by not being able to create an atmosphere that made you comfortable. I know, I am not responsible for you sleeping on the couch, but yes, I wish the situation was better.

I look forward to our talk on Sunday. Not because it will be easy, but because it will give me direction. All my love to you.

Thanks for coming to lunch. Too bad they put onions on your plate. I hope you had no effects from it.

I know there is a lot we both are waiting to say, that we feel we need to say. Therapy was hard for me today because I haven’t progressed and I’ve been avoiding making some hard decisions. I could see the frustration in Matt’s face as I told him about the events of the last three weeks.

I like our time together. I truly enjoyed seeing you, even though I often want more. I have no read on your or our situation. I worry about what our next conversation will bring, or if we will even make it to a conversation before you run away.

As for the deposit today – it is only because your car set you back. And it is only for a few days. Please don’t read into it that I am “taking care” of you or somehow taking away your ability to take care of yourself. I know you can take care of yourself. I just don’t see why it should be so hard on you when it doesn’t need to be difficult.

And, yes, you heard me last night. I was hoping you would call anyway. Maybe someday you’ll appreciate that someone cares about you.

I am often judged by my past. Right or wrong, it is how most people see me. Not for who I am, but for I was. You were more kind. But, I am still judged by my past, and by your past. I hope someday you can judge me based on my interactions with you.

Have you ever been really angry with one of your children? So upset that you had to take a time out to cool off? And still, you know your love for your child is unwavering. That is true love. I would have been there for you anytime you ask. Even if I am angry, feeling hurt, or upset – it doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

Sometimes, we need to measure love for someone by how we feel without them rather than how we feel with them.